How Doulas Can Support Clients Through Pregnancy and Infant Loss
As a doula and a woman who has experienced three miscarriages, I know the heartbreak firsthand. It’s a kind of pain that cuts deep—a loss you really can’t put into words. Over the years, I’ve walked with dozens of women through their own heartbreak, and each one is different, yet eerily familiar. It’s a shared pain, but it's also intensely personal. I want to offer my wisdom on how to support a client through pregnancy and infant loss, not just from my professional experience, but from the lens of my own grief, and how I wish a doula could have supported me during my darkest moments.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, a time to shine a light on the devastating reality that so many families face in silence. If you're a doula, you’re likely to encounter this heartbreaking experience at some point in your career. It’s one of the hardest aspects of this work, and no amount of training can fully prepare you for it. But even if you’re not a bereavement doula, you can make a difference in the lives of your clients by supporting them compassionately and without judgment and being there to share in their grief and walk beside them.
Be Present—Without Trying to “Fix” Anything
When I was going through my miscarriages, the last thing I wanted was someone trying to fix me or act like there was a way to make things ok. Honestly, there was a simple yet desperate need to just be seen in that moment, without someone rushing to give me solutions or “comforting” words that, sometimes hurt more than they helped. As a doula, you might feel the pressure to ease your client’s pain, but the truth is, you can’t fix this. And that’s okay. What your client needs most is your presence, your silent understanding, and your willingness to sit with them in their grief. There may be a time when they actually need solutions and you can put your doula hat on and go into action, but use your intuition here as what one needs is going to vary based on the person and the situation.
Acknowledge The Loss—Don’t Avoid It
I can’t stress this enough: don’t avoid talking about the loss. So many people think that by not mentioning the baby or the miscarriage, they’re sparing the parents more pain. But what they’re really doing is making it feel like the loss isn’t important, that their baby didn’t matter. Acknowledge the loss, say the baby’s name if the parents have chosen one, and create space for them to talk about their experience if they want to. Your clients need to know that their loss is real, that there baby is real and that it all matters.
Support Physical Healing
In the midst of grief, it’s easy for the physical toll of pregnancy loss and giving birth to be overlooked. Miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant loss can leave the body in chaos—bleeding, hormonal shifts, producing milk without a baby to feed... it’s legit agony and continual reminders that your baby is gone. Your client might be so consumed by emotional pain that they don’t have the energy or mental space to care for their body’s needs. This is where you can step in, gently reminding them to rest, offering physical comfort, and guiding them through the recovery process. Whether it’s helping them bind their breasts to stop milk production, helping them with milk donation if they wish to pump for a baby in need, providing a closing the bones ceremony or belly binding, making them nourishing meals, or simply assisting with day-to-day postpartum care, your practical support will make a world of difference.
Share Opportunities for Keepsakes
Some parents will want to create keepsakes to remember their baby, while others may not. Whether it’s framing an ultrasound photo or a cast of a footprint, a necklace or lock of hair, or maybe a special blanket, these items can bring some comfort to parents who are grieving. It probably goes without saying, but it’s important not to assume that your client will want to memorialize their loss in this way. Offer the option and let them lead. If they want to create a keepsake, you can help them find one that speaks to them and direct them to ideas and resources, but if they don’t, respect that decision without question.
Know When to Refer Them to Additional Support
There’s no shame in admitting that this situation might require more than you can provide. Grief is heavy, and as much as we want to be there for our clients, doulas aren’t therapists. It’s okay to suggest professional grief counseling or to refer them to bereavement doulas or support groups who specialize in loss. Sometimes, connecting your client to a larger network of support can be one of the most impactful things you can do.
Offer Practical Help
When I was in the throes of grief, I could barely function. Grief makes it hard to do the simplest things, and that’s where practical support can make all the difference. Whether it’s organizing a meal train, doing the grocery shopping, or helping with their other children, offering hands-on help can be a lifeline for your client. Ask them what they need, but also be prepared to step in and handle the small tasks that might feel overwhelming to them in that moment.
Consider Bereavement Doula Training
Pregnancy and infant loss are part of the realities we face as birth workers. If you want to offer deeper support to grieving families, consider pursuing bereavement doula training. Programs like the one at StillBirthday can equip you with the skills to walk with families through these devastating moments in a more meaningful way. You don’t have to go through this alone, and neither do your clients. If you aren’t ready to invest in a full bereavement doula training you can check out the following workshops that may provide more guidance:
Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss
Strategies and Insights for Doulas in Preventing Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Resource Guide
I want to take a moment to mention our Pregnancy and Infant Loss Resource Guide. This guide was written by doulas and mamas who’ve experienced loss ourselves, and it’s packed with so many resources. From practical ways to help grieving families, to keepsake ideas, to setting up a meal train, this guide is designed to give you inspiration on how to help when words fall short. 100% of the proceeds from the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Resource Guide are donated to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, an organization that provides remembrance photography for families experiencing the loss of a baby.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is a time to honor the lives lost too soon and to recognize the immense grief that so many families endure. As doulas, we are called to support life in all its forms—including the moments when that life is taken too soon. You don’t have to be a bereavement doula to make a difference. You just have to be willing to show up, offer support, and hold space for your client’s grief so they don’t have to walk this path alone.