Let’s Talk About Postpartum Sex, Baby!
Maybe your special someone has been dropping you some hints lately. Or maybe your six-week checkup is approaching and you’re wondering if your OB or Midwife will give you the green light. Or maybe you’ve just been wondering when it’s the right time… for what? Postpartum sex, baby! Yep, it's time to strip away the stigma and get real about what happens between the sheets after you've welcomed a tiny, squishy, lovable human into your world. So grab a cup of coffee (or wine, no judgment here), and let's get into it!
Take Your Time
After giving birth, your body needs time to heal and recover. While it's common for healthcare providers to recommend waiting approximately 6 weeks before resuming sexual activity, this timeline can vary widely depending on your individual circumstances, such as the type of birth you had or your emotional readiness. I personally had a very straightforward, unmedicated vaginal birth and didn’t feel fully ready to have sex until almost 3 months postpartum. Even though my body was “healed” much earlier than that, there were other factors that came into play when determining my readiness. The key here is to listen to what your body is communicating to you (physically, emotionally, and mentally) and prioritize your own comfort and well-being. If you're experiencing pain, discomfort, or any other concerns, don't hesitate to reach out to your healthcare provider for guidance and support.
Your post-baby body isn’t the same as your pre-baby body
This is no secret to you. You saw your body beautifully expand to make room for new life. You birthed your baby and experienced first hand the changes your body went through. But the changes are more than just physical.
To put it lightly, your hormones may be whack which can affect any number of things: self-confidence, low libido, sore perineum or vaginal dryness just to name a few (yeah we went there). Get yourself a good lubricant! We love this one from Good Clean Love or if you’re not allergic, coconut oil makes for a great natural alternative.
If you’re breastfeeding, your breasts may be sensitive or prone to leaking especially during orgasm, making sex awkward or uncomfortable for some. Then again, there are those who’s sensitive breasts actually enhance pleasure. If the latter is the case for you, enjoy it! Communicate with your partner about how your body feels and if there are any parts of your body that are off-limits. If your breasts are leaking you might want to wear a bra with breast pads or if you don’t mind the leakage, keep a towel close by just in case.
Get Support From a Pelvic Physiotherapist
Because your body goes through so many changes, you may need the guidance and support of a pelvic floor therapist to get you physically and emotionally ready to return to having regular, enjoyable sex. Even if sex isn’t painful, a consultation with a pelvic floor specialist can be an amazing resource! But if you are experiencing pain, pelvic pressure, urinary incontinence, or any other concerning symptoms in or around your pelvic floor, I highly encourage you to prioritize a visit to a pelvic rehabilitation specialist. I speak from experience, I waited longer than I should have! Check with your OB, Midwife or Doula for referrals in your area.
Mix it Up
Many parents with babies in the newborn stage are room-sharing or co-sleeping. Having your baby in your room is recommended by the AAP for at least the first 6 months of life which can make regular intimacy a challenge. Having a toddler around increases the challenge quite a bit. But it’s clear parents make it work somehow!
If your baby is in a bassinet move your baby to the nursery until the next feed, while you and your partner enjoy your time together. If you co-sleep, put baby to bed then experiment with intimacy in other parts of the house. There are so many possibilities and mixing up the location can create more excitement and can help keep things from getting mundane.
Most babies sleep cycles don’t begin to mature until close to 4 months, unfortunately, making bedtime a bit of a crap shoot. Not to mention most parents are completely worn out by the end of the day. This means that bedtime may not always be the best time for love making. If bedtime isn’t ideal, try during baby’s first nap of the day. This way you’ve had some time to shower or eat a meal to help make you feel human and ready for some frisky fun!
It’s About Quality, NOT Quantity
It’s quite possible that you may not want a ton of sex, especially at the beginning. And that’s totally ok! As you’re adjusting to the changes of your body, your hormones, and even your relationship (new baby’s can take their toll on marriages!) it’s important to have realistic expectations of what postpartum sex looks like. Some couples have sex once a week, others once a month. You and your partner get to decide how often is right for you. And of course, that frequency will likely change over time.
Additionally, if intercourse isn’t something you’re ready for quite yet, enjoy various types of foreplay. Don’t be afraid to take it slow. Enjoy the sensations and focus on communication. The more you and your partner can communicate, the better you’ll be able to meet each other’s needs.
Oxytocin is KEY
We talk about oxytocin a lot in our line of work. It is the love drug, the hormone designed to bond you to another person. It is produced at it’s highest amounts during childbirth, when having an orgasm, and while breastfeeding your baby. But it’s also produced anytime you’re spending time connecting with loved ones, eating a meal with a friend and during so many other activities.
Things like stress, lack of sleep, and blue light like the type emitted from cell phone screens can all interfere with oxytocin production. I don’t know about you but a lot of moms I know are sleep deprived, stressed, and spend a significant amount of time on their phones (what else are you gonna do at 2am while nursing your baby?!).
Boosting oxytocin levels helps improve self-confidence, attachment, reduces stress, and helps you sleep better! All of which will hopefully get you feeling more frisky too. A few of our favorite oxytocin boosters are: heart to heart hugs for 30+ seconds, making out in the shower, and sensual massage. Turn the lights down, put on some soft music, light some candles and set the mood. And no cell phones or televisions allowed!
Be Gentle With Yourself
Weight gain, mommy tummy, stretch marks, cesarean scars, engorged breasts, and sleep deprivation... those all sound super sexy right? Not really, but the reality is everyone has similar experiences with their postpartum body. Yes, your body has changed, but it is still magical and beautiful and 100% deserving of love, appreciation, and sex.
If you aren’t quite feeling yourself yet, that’s ok. But if you’re ready to start feeling more comfortable in your postpartum body, it can be as simple as doing some intentional things just for you. Start by spending an hour alone doing something you love. Yes, it may be hard to do this every day, but it’s a great way to reconnect with yourself. Maybe you get a massage, go to a postpartum yoga class, take a long luxurious bath, read a good novel or meetup with a friend for coffee. Whatever lights you up, do more of that!
Postpartum sex is a journey, not a destination. It's normal for things to evolve and change over time, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating this aspect of parenthood. Be patient, be kind to yourselves, and above all, be open to exploring and embracing the many joys and challenges that come with intimacy after baby. You've got this!
What helped you and your partner get back in your sex groove after having a baby?
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