Postpartum Overnights: to sleep or not to sleep
I’ve spent the last week interviewing quite a few new postpartum doulas to join our bad-ass network of providers and in each interview I end up having the same conversation… here’s how it goes:
Me: “Walk me through an overnight postpartum visit. What does it typically look like from the time you arrive to the time you leave?”
Doula: “I arrive, wash my hands, then sit down with the parents to check in. We go over baby’s last feeding, how things are going, and discuss any goals for the night or what they want help with then I send the parents off to bed. I’ll throw in a load of laundry, tidy the kitchen, and provide baby care throughout the night.” (I’m paraphrasing of course and condensing it because there’s obviously SO much more that goes into overnight support, but you get the picture.)
Me: “If the baby and parents are sleeping, do you lie down for a nap?
Doula: “No.”
Me: “Ok, so you provide awake care. Is this usually at the request of your clients?”
Doula: “No, the client doesn’t request it, I just thought I was supposed to be awake all night.”
Me: “Got it. Do you charge more for staying awake all night.”
Doula: “No…” and then after a few beats “SHOULD I?!?!”
Me: “Do you want my honest opinion?”
Doula: “YES! Please!”
Me: “Yes, not only can you be charging more for awake care, but you know can lie down to rest or nap during overnight visits, right?”
Doula: “WHAT?!” << Insert mind-blown emoji here
When I tell you that I’ve had this conversation countless times, I am not lying y’all! I don’t know if there’s a bunch of doula trainers out there telling fresh new doulas that they’re required to stay awake during overnights, but we gotta talk about it.
First off, it’s your business. You run it the way that works best for you. I’m not here to tell you how much you should charge or what you should or shouldn’t do. BUT, I’ll be damned if I don’t help you understand the standards of the industry and help you get all the info so you can make the best decision for your lifestyle and your business.
Second, every doula or newborn care specialist does things a little differently and you don’t have to do things like anyone else if you don’t want to you. Ok, point two is kinda similar to point one, but it’s something I felt needed to be driven home.
Ok, so when I talk about “sleeping” at postpartum visits, I’m not talking about making yourself all warm and cozy in your client’s guest bedroom nor am I talking about taking long, luxurious naps. If you’re working with a newborn you might get a 30 minute cat nap once or twice during an 8-hour shift. If you’re working with a two or three month old, you might get more. And any amount of sleep is definitely not guaranteed at a postpartum visit.
The main thing here though is safety. Being up, at night for 8-10-12 hours and then driving home drowsy really isn’t the safest thing for you. Some might make the argument that other professions have night shifts and don’t nap on the job, which is kind of true, but these people likely aren’t working in a darkened environment, in silence, while everyone else is sleeping. Rather they’re working in a busy emergency room or a brightly lit warehouse with a lot of hustle and bustle around them. And there’s this little hormone called melatonin that kicks in at night as a response to darkness and it makes you sleeeeepy. So being in a quiet home rather than a loud warehouse is going to make it all the tougher to safely stay awake. Therefore, getting a small amount of shut-eye to release that sleep pressure and make your morning commute home safer is best for everyone!
So, how do you explain this to clients?
I recommend letting them know this is the standard in the industry and that if they want awake care, you’re happy to provide it at an additional cost. (That is if you are open to providing awake care. There are some newborn care specialists and overnight doulas that do not offer it.) Don’t act apologetic and don’t feel like you have to explain why you charge more for awake care. When you state it as a fact and give them the to choice to pay your regular rate which includes a rest here and there or to pay for awake care, the ball is in their court to make the decision that is best for their family and their budget.
When chatting to them about “sleeping” make sure they know that you don’t expect to sleep at an overnight job. Baby comes first, so obviously if baby is up and fussy at night or waking frequently to feed, you’ll be alert and awake attending to baby. But if the laundry is in the dryer, the pump parts are washed and baby is sleeping peacefully that you’ll take a short snooze. Helping frame it in a way that makes sense to them is important. If they’re first time parents and never hired a postpartum doula before, they may not know what to expect or how much “sleep” you’re talking about.
It’s also a good idea to include something in your contract. In my contract I have a clause that states that the client understands that if the parents and baby are sleeping and that the nightly tasks (whatever they might be) have been completed I will lie down on the couch for a short rest until baby wakes next. I also like to make sure that there’s a clear understanding that I need a specific place to rest. Personally, I will not rest on the floor, but a recliner or a couch is totally fine. I’m ok with sleeping in the same space as the baby or in a separate room, whatever the parents prefer.
Lastly, it may be helpful for parents to understand that they’re essentially paying you to be on-call to tend to whatever comes up in the wee hours of the night. Similar to a birth doula who includes on-call time in their fee, a night doula is also being paid to be available for baby care, breastfeeding support, or to answer a parent’s questions at a moment’s notice.
I know that for newer doulas or newborn care specialists these may be tough conversations to have with your clients, but I promise, the more practice you have with talking about money and the more confident you are in setting boundaries in your business the easier it will be. Your safety and well-being is equally as important as your clients. They’re paying you to care for them and your capacity to do so will be greatly increased with a short rest here or there.
I’m curious to hear what other overnight postpartum doulas and newborn care specialists do. Do you sleep when baby is sleeping? Or do you charge more for awake care?